to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
