Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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