I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
