there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So many bounce houses so little time
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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