I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
high people should be assigned attendants
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
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She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
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I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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