I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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