I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
