i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
