I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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