One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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