Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
