dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
