I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
