I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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