Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My ass is underappreciated
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
