i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
