What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
