no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize