making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
