I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
