If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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