I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
