Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
