He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
