Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
