That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
