filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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