woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
