No awkward lesbian experiences without me
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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