My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
