conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm sobbing to NWA
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
