I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
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Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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