is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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