I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
