i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
