I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Randomize
