I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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