i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
