Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
