Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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