That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
