My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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