..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
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