i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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