best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize