I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
