Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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