just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
