I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize