I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
