come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
