i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
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