yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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