Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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