So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
