I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
