My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
