Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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