so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
