so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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