I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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