Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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