stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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