he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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