your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
