Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
