rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
