How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
