We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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