my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
