So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
