chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
